How often should you see someone you’re casually dating? And how long should you casually date someone before ending things or becoming exclusive?
If you’ve just come out of a serious relationship, or you’re not yet ready to give up the bachelor life, casual dating can offer the perfect balance of meeting new people without the heaviness of commitment. Keeping things casual is becoming increasingly popular as both men and women ditch labels and question whether traditions like marriage and monogamy can ever truly last a lifetime.
But casual dating comes with its own set of problems. What are the rules when casually dating? How often should you see each other? At what point are you crossing over into relationship territory? Can a casual relationship or hookup turn into something more serious? And how can two people navigate something casual while respecting each other’s boundaries and making sure no one gets hurt?
How Often Should You See Someone You’re Casually Dating?
If you’re seeing each other once every few weeks…
You are definitely in casual dating territory here. It will be challenging to build a connection, but that might be the last thing you’re looking for. If so, keep things at this pace.
If you’re seeing each other once a week…
Meeting up with someone once a week is fairly normal when you’re on dating apps and connecting with new people. This is the perfect balance between staying in touch and keeping things cool and casual at the same time.
We’ve all got other commitments and responsibilities to take care of, and work schedules won’t always match up. But if you enjoy spending time with each other, and want to keep seeing each other, aim to meet up at least once a week. And if you live more than an hour away from each other, consider virtual meetups to stay in contact.
If you are hoping to eventually find a committed relationship, this is especially important. Seeing someone once every few weeks will not help you build a connection.
If you’re seeing each other two to three times a week…
When you go on a date with someone you really connect with, it’s normal to go out with them a couple of times each week, assuming you live relatively close by and have enough spare time in your schedule. At this pace, you get to know each other much better and start to feel comfortable around one another, which can help you both relax.
However, seeing someone two to three times a week is a little too much if you are planning on keeping things casual forever. So, if you have no intentions of pursuing anything more, then you may want to dial down the amount of time you spend together. And the same goes for if the roles are reversed. If you are interested in maybe pursuing a relationship, but she is definitely not, it’s wise to see each other less frequently to avoid getting hurt in the long run.
If you’re seeing each other more than three times a week
How often should you see someone you're casually dating if you really like them?
In the early stages of getting to know someone, it’s important not to take things too fast too soon, otherwise, the spark can quickly fizzle out. I’d recommend not seeing someone more than three times a week in the first few months, even if you feel love drunk on them.
The thing about intense connections is that they feel all-consuming at first, but they rarely last long-term. So practice pacing and give the spark a chance to survive. Let your connection build organically over time.
It also depends on how much you want to keep things casual
How often should you see someone you're casually dating? Well, according to one study of college students published in the journal Sex Roles, both men, and women prefer dating to hooking up. So, if you are one of those people who prefer a relationship to something casual, then you wouldn’t want to drag out the casual dating period. And if you’ve caught feelings, it’s normal to want to see that person a few times a week.
But if you are committed to keeping it casual, it’s important to limit the amount of time you spend with someone. Otherwise, feelings can quickly develop.
How Long Should You Casually Date Someone?
As a general rule, there is no rule! It depends on so many factors including who you both are, the stage of life you’re at, your priorities, and how you feel about each other. With that said, here are some tips that can help you decide for yourself how long you should casually date someone.
Until it stops being fun
How long should you casually date someone?
My advice is to keep dating someone until it stops being fun. If at any point you start to feel bored, unsatisfied, uncomfortable, on a different page, or like you can’t be bothered to see them anymore, that’s a sign to stop.
How we feel when we’re casually dating someone is closely related to our attitudes and expectations around casual dating. If you have a positive attitude towards it, you are more likely to be happy while casual dating. On the other hand, research has shown that casual sex without any other form of relationship can increase anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. So it’s important to keep checking in with how you feel during the process. If at any point it starts to negatively affect your health and well-being, it’s time to sit down and have an honest conversation with the person you’re casually dating. What’s working for them may not be working for you.
Until you want to be exclusive
You should casually date someone until you reach the point where you’ve spent enough time together (a few months) and are ready for something more. It’s natural when casually dating for one or both people to develop stronger feelings and want to commit and either exclusively date each other, or exclusively commit to a relationship.
If this happens, sit down privately and have an honest conversation. Share how you feel and what you’re looking for. You never know how someone truly feels until you ask them.
Tune into your feelings
If you’ve noticed some red flags, or you have some doubts, then it’s normal to want to keep things casual for the foreseeable future and not rush into anything. While some couples do immediately jump into a relationship, a lot of couples take months before they commit. This also depends on how often you’re seeing each other. The more frequently you see someone, the quicker your connection will grow.
Evaluate the pros and cons of casual vs commitment
If you’re struggling to decide between keeping things casual and going exclusive, think about the positives and negatives of both scenarios.
Pros of casual dating
- There’s much less pressure to meet someone’s needs
- You have a lot of freedom and independence to explore what you want and need from sex and a relationship
- You have more time to focus on other things
- You can meet and connect with more people
- You don’t have to open up and be vulnerable
Cons of casual dating
- It can be time-consuming constantly meeting new people
- You don’t get to enjoy a deeper, emotional connection
- You’re not building anything
- Over time, it may feel unfulfilling and repetitive
What the experts think
Time Out conducted a dating survey and found that, on average, people go on 5–6 dates over a one to two-month period before deciding to become exclusive. Most experts will say that casual relationships can last between a few weeks and 3–4 months. By the time you hit the four-month mark, the chances of anything more serious developing start to shrink.
However, there are exceptions to the rule. It could be that one or both of you are treading extra cautiously and wanting to take things very slowly.
Don’t rush into anything
Casually dating someone is essential at the start because you don’t want to jump into anything too intense too soon. It takes real time to get to know someone, and their intentions, and discern whether you’re compatible in the long term. So remember to pace things. Don’t rush into labeling things because you don’t want to be alone, or you’re tired of dating - these are not good reasons to become exclusive!
Know when to walk away
If you’re here reading this, it may be because you have been casually dating someone for a while, and you’re looking to take things to the next level but are unsure whether they’re on the same page. As I mentioned earlier, the only way to see if they are is to talk to them and see where they’re at.
If you’re on different pages (or planets!), don’t stick around hoping things will change. Your time is precious. Respect yourself enough to walk away from a connection that no longer serves you, and you will create space for something even better to show up in the future.
