Lowkey flirting is all about plausible deniability. Maybe you’re into someone you work with or perhaps it’s someone in your friend group. Either way, you want to feel out the situation to avoid any potential awkwardness. Learning how to lowkey flirt over text is going to be important here.
Not to worry, learning how to do this isn’t as difficult as you might think. It's certainly easier than finding and meeting attractive single girls! If you're still struggling with that you can check our guide on where to meet single girls.
Have fun with the conversation, take note of how she responds to you and go from there.
How to lowkey flirt over text
In this article, I’ll be going into some detail about the do’s and don’ts of flirting in these situations. How to flirt with her while keeping it casual, answering the question of “how often should I text her?” and the common mistakes to avoid.
By the end of this article, you’re going to feel that much more confident knowing how to lowkey flirt over text. These are tips that will work with all kind of text communication from typical phone or app texting to more fun texting from women you meet on hookup apps that actually lead to meetups.
Demonstrate your confidence
So much of flirting is about being confident. Showing her that if you go on a date together, she won’t have to hold your hand through the night, figuratively speaking.
She wants a man that’s comfortable and confident in himself and knows how to have a good time. The more you can learn to demonstrate this, the more effective you’re going to be. You can even show your confidence by being the first to text her after hooking up.
For some that can be easier said than done, right? The thing about confidence is that it doesn’t have to be real. Until you learn to develop genuine self-confidence, just learn to act confident. It’ll start a positive snowball effect where women show more interest in you so you become more confident and so on.
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Subtlety is your friend
As you work on how to lowkey flirt over text, it’s crucial that you keep everything subtle. You want to keep everything casual enough that you maintain plausible deniability the whole time. If you met a woman in a place they are obviously looking to hook up quickly you can disregard this.
In situations where lowkey flirting is required, being open about your intentions can often risk a lot of awkwardness. If it’s a woman you work with for example, what if you find out she has a boyfriend?
If you’ve been very forward with your flirting over text (which is usually a good thing) and she has to turn you down, interaction at work might get weird. Even worse, there’s a good chance some of your other co-workers will find out too.
Rather than risk any of this, just keep things subtle. Keep the conversation fun and exciting, work on building a rapport with her and pay attention to how she acts around you.
Work on spending time together
In this context, it doesn’t have to be alone time at all. You could organize Friday night drinks with everyone from work or arrange a get-together with your friend group.
It’s not about inviting her on a romantic date right now. The goal here is getting to know each other better outside of work or away from your usual environment. Building rapport is so much easier face to face so go ahead and make the opportunity!
The more you’re able to do this, the more comfortable she’s going to be around you which is important. If she’s comfortable with you and you have the confidence to go ahead and make these plans, you’re already on the right track.
You don’t even need to focus on her all night for this to be a huge help, either. If you end up sitting or standing next to her, perfect but resist the temptation to make the night about her. It’ll be more obvious than you think -- not exactly subtle.
Invite her to initiate
I used to work in a training environment for a couple of years. Lucky for me, I got to interface with our clients every day and got to know them all quickly. I’m a friendly, social guy who made a point of doing this with all of them, male and female.
During that time, I found the most success with women by steering the conversation to a point where she could initiate.
I needed to keep the whole thing subtle and low-key since asking a client on a date could put my job at risk. The solution was to avoid asking her out at all.
Instead, I’d keep the conversation lively and exciting and take interest in her. I’d also talk about the fun things I got up to and built rapport. If she started showing me the usual signs that she’s interested (gave me her number or added me on social media, texting daily, replying quickly, making excuses to be around me at work, etc.) then I’d open the door for her to suggest something.
One example of this was snowboarding. We got to talking about her failed attempt at it years ago. I mentioned that I’ve taught plenty of people how to do it and she replied with “oh really? I’ve always wanted to try it again. You should teach me!” Gee, what a great idea, why didn’t I think of that?
All I had to do from here was accept her offer -- I suggested a day to go do it and off we went. If she wasn’t interested, she wouldn’t have suggested it and everything would have been fine.
Taking this approach means zero risk for you which is the ideal scenario in some situations.
How often to text a girl and when to put down the phone
There is such a thing as too much texting, especially if she’s showing some signs of being bored. While there’s no real guideline to how much texting is too much, there are some things you should take into account before you hit the “send” button.
Don’t start texting late at night
Everyone knows a late-night “you up?” text is a blatant booty call. In which case, why not try to entice her with a sex question first or maybe try to get her horny over text.
Since you’re trying to keep things lowkey here, you really need to distance yourself from that. If you’ve been texting on-and-off all day then it’s totally acceptable, just don’t try starting a conversation at 11:00 p.m.
On the other hand, if she’s the one sending you the late night text, don’t let the opportunity slide. You can even acknowledge the significance of her text and see how she reacts.
“Wait, did you just send me a booty call text?”
It’s fun and playful and she’s left with two options.
Either you’ll get a sly reply like: “It might be…” or, “Do you want it to be?” Or she’ll clear that up in a hurry with a, “No, sorry! I didn’t even think”.
Either way, how she responds will tell you so much about where her head is at.
No drunken texting
Alcohol lowers our inhibitions. The end of a big night might be the time that you’ve built up the courage to go for it. To tell her how you feel and invite her on a date somewhere.
However, the lower inhibitions often lead to sloppy texts you’ll come to regret in the morning. If you want to turn a girl on over text, a drunk text isn't going to cut it. Instead, just set a blanket rule for yourself that once you’ve started drinking, you aren’t going to text her. It’s the safest way to keep things clean and avoid a pretty major faux pas.
How often should I text her?
Any time the topic of texting comes up, there’s always the question of “how often should I text her?” The truth is, there’s no magic number or black and white guideline here.
In a way, I suppose that can complicate it but try to avoid overthinking this topic. Rather than stressing about how often to text a girl, pay attention to the balance in the conversation.
As I mentioned in my article about texting a woman who stopped responding, don’t let it become one-sided. No more than two unanswered texts is my personal rule and one I’d suggest you stick to as well.
If she hasn’t replied to your last two messages, she’s either busy or not interested. In either case, sending her a seventh unanswered message is not romantically persistent, it’s irritating and overwhelming. Neither is texting her in the morning in the hope that you'll be the first thing on her mind.
You’re better off cooling it for a bit and seeing if she replies. If she is just busy, she’ll respond when she has a chance and appreciates you giving her space. If she’s lost interest for some reason, at least you didn’t crowd her so there’s a chance to revive it down the track.
In the end, lowkey flirting over text is about building rapport with her and opening the door for her to make the first move. There’s no need to overanalyze things like how much texting is too much or exactly how long to leave between messages.
It’s not as scary as it sounds, particularly when you have a little confidence to back you up. With some practice, you’ll be surprised at just how easy it can be.
[…] It was a low effort request, wasn’t sleazy, and was relevant to our conversation. 30 seconds later I get a photo of her on the couch with her dog in his new coat. That level of comfort is there and we’re now comfortable exchanging photos. It’s the low-key flirting strategy. […]