For some men, there's nothing hotter than a MILF. Unlike younger women, MILFs are experienced when it comes to romance and sex. They're emotionally mature individuals who have decades of experience that they can pass on to a younger lover. MILFs are less likely to waste time on frivolous romances. If they want sex, they'll cut straight to the chase. But learning how to get a MILF isn't always as easy as just trying to land a cougar.
I’m a dating expert who has dedicated several years to going out and improving my social skills, and I’ve become somewhat of an aficionado at seducing older women. But, in this guide, I’m going to teach you how to do it without the years of trial and error that I went through. To make things easier for you, let’s start off with the top 3 dating apps where I’ve met plenty of gorgeous MILFs:
Site Our Experience Our Rating Free Trial Link 
Experience Highlights Try AFF For Free 
Experience Highlights Try eHarmony 
Experience Highlights Try Passion
So, let's delve into how to get a milf. These are ideas that have been tried, tested and refined over many years. It’s not based on speculation, but what has actually worked for me and my dating coaching clients. The process is a bit involved, but you certainly won't be complaining when a MILF is taking you back to her place to teach you all of her best tricks in the bedroom.
You Must Find a Milf to Get a Milf
The first and most obvious step on how to get a MILF is to find out where they hang out. Let's look at a couple of popular hangout spots that finding MILFs in your area tends to be easiest:
Bars
If you're on the hunt for MILFs around you, high-end bars are a great place to start your search. Try bars located near affluent neighborhoods or thriving downtown cities, like Los Angeles or Miami. You can also head to your local bar because you're sure to find some single MILFs there. These locations are great options for meeting MILFs interested in young guys as well as guys their own age (or older).
Bars in college towns are great fun, but they shouldn't be on the top of your list unless, of course, you're on the hunt for a younger woman.
The best time to go bar hopping will be ladies night which tends to be extremely popular and a great way to meet a single MILF in your neighborhood (and everyone else's). For one, ladies' night attracts a greater number of female visitors. Second, drinks are more often than not cheaper for the ladies.
With plenty of women to choose from and cheap drinks going around the room, you should have ample opportunity to strike up a conversation with a MILF in your area.
In the various areas of the United States where I’ve lived over the years, I’ve always made it a priority to make some female friends who are excited to go to the most happening “ladies night” every week. When you turn up to a bar with beautiful women already on your arm, you can bet that the other women will notice. This will make them more open to meeting you, especially if your wingladies can put in a good word for you.
The MILF dating sites that are actually legit
It's not always efficient to go out every weekend on the prowl. For one, it's expensive buying drinks and paying cover charges. For another, it takes a certain amount of guesswork to figure out who is a MILF looking for a younger guy, who is married and not wearing a ring, and who is just looking for attention.
If you want the sure thing and you want it quicker, there are a few MILF dating sites that are actually worth your time. Luckily for you, we've done the homework of signing up and reviewing the top MILF dating sites in order to point you in the right direction. There are two in particular worth trying out:
AFF is the best option if you just want something casual or physical (try it free)
Sometimes a long-term relationship isn't what you're looking for and apps like Tinder just don't get many MILFs using it. It's full of women in their teens and early 20s which isn't exactly what we're looking for. Fortunately, there is AFF.
If you haven't checked out AFF's free trial you are leaving opportunities on the table. They are the largest site specifically dedicated to connecting people for fun in the bedroom with over 60 million active members. They have also been around longer than Tinder so they've been able to attract a lot more women 30+ to their site and keep them there.
When it comes to find a MILF for a little fun back home without wasting time and money at a bar or club AFF is hard to beat. I’ve used AFF in various parts of the United States and have always been overwhelmed with great older women to meet. It's also the site Iwe have seen average guys have the best success with.
If you’re looking for amazing sexual experiences with older women, click here to start your free AFF trial.
What people think of AFF:
Sachin Dawhan - Quora
“The hook up site has existed for a very long time and it’s what everyone knows (especially women). And so they’ve got millions of users globally.
And for female profiles, you need that high volume of users as otherwise it will not work.
If you can use the site or app to your advantage, will obviously depend a lot on if you can stand out from the crowd and attract those female profiles.
But in my experience it’s really not that hard because most male users seem to have problems just being themselves. And this is number one thing females are looking for before they want to know if you are compatible sexually.”
Alison B - Sitejabber
Been on there off and on 10 or so Years. Been to SEVERAL meets and parties! I've made tons of fun friends and have more fun clubbing and swinging with them then any other peer genre! Too many nasty old, fat, desperate mean with high expectations. True sex addicts and swingers love this site and it works well for them.
eHarmony is the best way to meet single MILF's right now for most guys if you want a relationship (try it free)
There are a lot of sites and apps out there that claim to be able to help you meet MILF's and other single older women. Most of them are terrible. If you're looking for single MILFs eHarmony is the best option for most guys that we have tried. They also have a great trial offer so you don't just have to take our word for it.
There isn't a better option out there right now, especially for younger guys, if you want more than a night of fun (though you can find that here too).
What really made an impression on us with eHarmony is just how engaged the women are. Even though they are a huge site with over 30 million members they seem to attract the women that are actually motivated to meet guys. Their signup process is pretty easy and it tends to scare off all the women who are just looking for attention instead of actually meeting guys. If you are looking for something longer-term eHarmony's proven trial should be your first stop for sure.
What people think of eHarmony:
Daniela - Consumer Affairs
I’ve used eHarmony twice- while living in the east coast and also while living in central US. My experience with this site was greatly affected by my geographic location, in terms of type/quality of people I was being matched with. Overall though, I felt like it was a safe and secure site and most people were genuinely on there for love/marriage. Ended up getting married on eHarmony!
Tom Senkus - BeyondAges
The eHarmony dating app gets a solid 5/5 from us, based on how many matches we’ve managed to get (34), all of whom were real people and were open to going on dates straight away!
Check out our guides to meeting local MILFs
When you don't have unlimited time and money to spend finding and meeting local MILFs having a little local advice can go a long way. We love helping guys improve their success rates so much that we've put together a bunch of local guides to major cities below. These are proven places where most guys can have success finding a single MILF regularly.
If you're ready to stop wasting time and start getting results in your neighborhood check out our guide to your city below:
Our local guides to meeting local MILFs in the United States
If you don't live too close to a major city we also have some more state-wide guides that can help you out:
Our local guides to meeting your MILF in Canada
Our local guides to meeting MILFs in the United Kingdom and Ireland
Our local guides to meeting MILFs in Australia
Our local guides to meeting MILFs in New Zealand
Our local guides to meeting MILFs in South Africa
Where to find and meet MILFs of particular ethnicities and nationalities:
High-end malls
MILFs are constantly shopping for themselves or their children. Thus, high-end malls are hot spots for finding local MILFs who are out looking for stuff to buy. They tend to visit toy and clothing stores the most but don’t let that stop you from walking around the mall until you find a lovely MILF to hit on.
If you cross paths with a MILF you’re attracted to, stop and ask her opinion on something shopping-related. This is a great way to break the ice and start the interaction.
For example: "Hello, I'm looking to buy a toy for my little niece and I have no clue what to get her. I figured you would be the best person to ask. Can you help me?"
Unless she's in a hurry, there should be no reason for her to refuse your request. You can proceed with the conversation from there.
Parks and malls are just two examples of where MILFs like to hang out, but we have a complete list of where to find MILFs in your area that you can check out here.
AJ Harbinger, founder of men’s dating company The Art Of Charm, is a big fan of this approach.
“Being approached by strangers can be stressful even in places where it’s “acceptable.” It’s even more unnerving when done somewhere that’s not ostensibly for that kind of socializing,” he explains.
“Rather than interrogating her with personal questions [such as] ‘what do you do for work?”, start out light and playful.”
The last time I tried this routine on a local MILF in a high-end mall, I soon discovered it was her birthday and she was shopping for something to wear to her party. I offered to take her to a nearby cafe for a spontaneous birthday cake and she obliged. She ended up inviting me to her party and we ultimately spent the night together.
A lot of women have time to burn when they’re at the mall, so this speedy spontaneous approach can often be successful.
Apps Dating Coaches Actually Recommend To Meet MILFs
If you're looking to meet a single MILF you need to try out a couple of these apps. In a post-covid world the majority of women are meeting guys online. If you're not where they can find you you're going to miss out big. Try these first if you want real results:
| Site | Our Experience | Our Rating | Free Trial Link |
|---|---|---|---|
Best Hookup Site For Men | Experience Highlights
| 9 | Try AFF For Free |
Best For Relationships | Experience Highlights
| 9 | Try eHarmony |
2nd Best For Hookups | Experience Highlights
| 8 | Try Passion |
How To Stay Safe On Dating Apps
If you’re going to try and meet older women online, make sure to follow these safety tips.
- Be careful with giving away personal details. Online scammers are often looking for these to get into your online accounts or commit identity fraud.
- Add any potential dates on social media. This will allow you to learn more about her, and vice-versa.
- Arrange a video call before meeting up. This will allow you to test for real-life chemistry and see whether she looks like her photos.
- Meet in public. Don’t agree to meet at her apartment or yours until you’ve taken the time to meet her in public, get to know her and trust her.
The beach
If you're lucky enough to be in a sunny part of the country, meeting and seducing MILFs at the beach is easy. Lots of MILFs love to get some sun and enjoy the waves. They're usually in a light and playful mood, perfect for making your move and flirting with them!
sand and maybe taking a dip in the sea. If the initial conversation goes well, you can ask to take a seat next to her and end up talking for hours. You’re essentially on an instant-beach date .I’ve lost count of the amount of times that this can turn into a saucy sun-kissed one-night stand.
In my experience, if you live in a tourist city like Miami or L.A, you’ll often find horny MILFs on the beach who are only in town for a few days and looking for a wild hook-up.
Experienced dating expert Tony Depp, who has been coaching men since 2008, is a huge fan of meeting women at the beach too.
“At clubs, you’re dealing with the protective friends, the bystanders, the bouncers. At the beach, you can just walk past a towel and ask, “Is the water warm today?”, he said.
“There’s not a lot of social pressure on you – or her – to discontinue the interaction. At worst, she’ll just look away and act quietly.”
Sophisticated Men Know How To Get A Milf
Let's face it. The vast majority of MILFs make the assumption that most younger guys are air-headed sex-fueled dummies who haven't figured out life yet. Harsh, but true. Break that perception by presenting yourself as a sophisticated man who can hold a real conversation.
If you struggle to do that, you might first want to work on cultivating a more interesting lifestyle.
“Be the single you want to meet,” says Tammy Shaklee, founder of H4M Matchmakers. "You'll have exciting things to discuss on a date, whether it's travel plans, the latest restaurant, or even new places and activities going on in your city."
In the world of dating and sex -- no matter the age or demographic -- building rapport is very important when it comes to making a connection with another person. The best way to build rapport with a milf (even if you're talking to her on the beach) is to discuss sophisticated subjects like books, politics, social issues, spirituality and so on.
Trust me, she's more likely to be attracted to a man who can hold a mature conversation. Think of this tactic as winning over her mind. Most milfs are sapiosexuals.
They're more attracted to that big sexy brain of yours rather than just your looks. After all, they know better than anyone that looks fade over time.
Talk about her kids
MILFs love their children more than life itself. Therefore, listen with rapt attention if she brings up her kids. In many cases, Milfs tend to be insecure about the fact they have children, especially if they’re in the dating market. Most guys aren’t interested in raising someone elses kids. However, if you’re not bothered by the fact she has children that’s more bonus points for you.
If you find that the conversation is dying quickly prompt her to talk about her children to keep the interaction alive and well. If she doesn't bring her kids up first take the initiative and prod the conversation in that direction.
A simple "tell me a little bit about your kids" *big smile* should do the trick.
Mothers love to brag about their children, especially if they're young. Listen attentively and respond at the appropriate times (i.e., "He did that!? Oh wow, I bet you're proud of him"). You'll definitely win some points if you're willing to listen to her talk about her kids.
It’s important that you understand that her children are her world. Nothing will come between a MILF and her kids, including you. Therefore, you should never insult them and give praise as often as you can ("that picture of your daughter is so cute, just like her mother").
If you acknowledge her children, you'll most certainly increase your chances of winning her favor. In line with that, you can also learn how to date a woman with kids.
Bat aside her age objections
Inevitably, you'll run into a few age objections. However, if you’re truly interested in how to get a local MILF you’ll have to learn to bat aside any objections that may arise during your interaction.
For example:
"I have kids! Surely a younger guy like you should be hitting on girls your own age."
"I bet I'm old enough to be your mother!"
"Why are you interested in an old lady like me?"
No matter how much resistance you face, it's your job to batter down her mental walls and keep pushing. An older woman will automatically push away a younger man because she has been conditioned by society to believe that such a relationship is taboo.
If you experience any resistance, try these responses on for size:
"Society tells you that you can't like me. I like you anyways. Now what?"
"Girls my age can't handle me. I use too many big words!"
And so on. It's okay to be cheesy in this instance. If you can make her laugh she’ll be more susceptible to your advances.
MILFs interested in young guys need to be turned on
Here’s the most important rule of how to get a MILF -- You have to turn her on. Let's not forget why you're seducing a MILF in the first place. You're looking for sex with an older woman.
Most young guys mess up because they treat MILFs like they would treat a younger woman. They shower her with praise:
"You're so sexy!"
"I love your eyes."
"You have a great figure."
These comments are flattering but she's definitely heard it all before. Try a more subtle approach.
For example:
"I could have asked anyone to help me but I figured I'd try my luck with the most beautiful woman here."
The cheese factor is high, but remember, it's okay to be a little cheesy when it comes to romance. Throw out a subtle comment then switch back to regular conversation like it never happened.
You can also slowly turn her on by subtle touching. A tap on the shoulder or the wrist is appropriate if you're laughing or trying to emphasize a point.
If you can turn the interaction sexual ever so subtly, then you greatly increase your chances of winning her over.
Ask her out on a date
You should ask her out on a date during a high point of the conversation, where she’s flirting with you or laughing at your jokes. “Women are more likely to accept your date invitation if they are experiencing positive emotions,” explains dating expert Ryan Cross. “That’s why you should ask her out when she is either laughing at something or feeling excited or happy.”
Don't worry, you don't have to do anything fancy or expensive. MILFs have been wined and dined by the best of them. And honestly, with you being a younger man, she'll instantly assume that you don't have a lot of money.
Simply ask her out for some drinks. If you've followed all of the steps to this point, you should be able to identify whether or not you have chemistry.
If she agrees to a date, try to avoid traditional settings like the movies or restaurants. Take her wine tasting or somewhere else that's sophisticated. The whole point is to get her back to your place for some frisky fun at the end of the night (we do remember what the "F" in MILF stands for, right).
Scoring a MILF has major benefits. Not only are they far more experienced in the bedroom, but MILFs aren’t likely to waste your time by playing games. Game are the domain of younger women.
MILFs are experienced, typically well traveled and have an overall better understanding of how life works. They don't have time for games. When they see a good thing they jump at the opportunity.
Make sure that you’re that opportunity and you’ll be successful in claiming a MILF for yourself.
Frequently Asked Questions About Dating Older Women
What is a MILF?
A milf is a crude but commonly-used acronym to describe an attractive older woman. It stands for “mom I want to f*ck”
Are all older women MILFs?
To fit the definition of a MILFs, you’d have to be a mother and physically attractive. Not all older women are physically attractive and some 20% of older American women have no children, according to data published in the National Library of Medicine
How many older women are single?
Some 29% of American women aged 50-64 are single, according to data published in Pew Research. This rises to 49% of women aged 65 and older.
How do American women feel about age gap relationships?
Men (25%) are more likely than women (14%) to have dated someone 10+ years younger than them, according to an IPSOS study. Those who are aged 35 or older are more likely to have engaged in such a relationship, the study says.
The survey suggests that 60% of women believe it’s acceptable for a woman to date a man ten years younger than her.
Do older women like to date younger men?
Pew Research data suggests that 71% of single women aged 40+ say they’re not looking to date at all. Meanwhile, an AARP suggests that only one in three women aged between 40 and 69 have dated younger partners.
In our experience, you shouldn’t let these figures discourage you. You’ll only find out if a woman likes younger men by approaching and flirting with her. In many cases, if you do a great job at sparking her emotions in the right way, you can persuade older women to give you a shot, despite what they may have said about dating younger men in the past.
Family therapist Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, Ed.S., LMFT, believes that this relationship dynamic can work well if both halves of the couple have the same goals.
“The older woman may have more wisdom and maturity, while the younger man may bring a fresh perspective and energy, enriching the relationship”, she said.
“However, the difference in their age can cause them to be at different life stages, which can impact their goals and priorities.”
Are Older Women Looking For Casual Or Serious Relationships
A Pew Research study revealed that older singles (aged 40+) in America are more likely to only be looking for serious relationships than younger ones. On top of that, women of all ages are more likely than men to only be looking for a serious commitment.
There are some older women out there looking for casual relationships though. Indeed, research published in the National Library of Medicine suggests that older women’s main desires of dating are fun and companionship, while maintaining their independence.
“These women acknowledged that they live in a couple-oriented world and by dating, they could participate in couple activities like dancing, which many of them enjoyed,” said the study’s authors. “Dating, for most of these women, was to have fun — to have someone with whom to go out to dinner, to go to the movies, to dress up for, and to talk to.”
How Do Older Women Prefer To Meet A Romantic Partner?
Pew Research data suggests that older women are typically less likely to meet partners online than their younger counterparts. They’re more likely to be introduced to a partner through mutual friends or meet in the workplace.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t approach older women at a bar or on the beach, for example. Oftentimes, an approach that’s rare can work in your favor, making you appear more confident and intriguing.
This article may contain affiliate links, which means that if you click on one of the product links and make a purchase, we may receive a small commission. This commission comes at no additional cost to you.
References:
Better Help (2023) What to know about dating an older woman.
Brown, A. (2020) A profile of single Americans. Pew Research Center.
Cross, R. (n.d.) How to text an older woman. Chattraction.
Depp, T. (2018) 10 reasons beaches are better for meeting women. Girls Chase.
Harbinger, A. (n.d.) How to pick up a girl at the mall. Art of Charm.
Newall, M., Diamond, J. & Rollason, C. (2022) Many Americans have engaged in age gap dating. Ipsos.
Pai, R. (2023) Why older women like younger men: 12 possible reasons. Mom Junction.
Riotta, J. (2024) 7 great ways to pick up MILFs on the beach you should try. Beyond Ages.
Rubinstein, R. L., Alexander, B. B., Goodman, M., & Luborsky, M. (1991). Key relationships of never married, childless older women: a cultural analysis. Journal of gerontology, 46(5), S270–S277.
Saulis, A. (2024) Dating a woman with kids: A how-to guide to do it right. Beyond Ages.
Watson, W. K., & Stelle, C. (2011). Dating for older women: experiences and meanings of dating in later life. Journal of women & aging, 23(3), 263–275.
Contributing Authors:
Joe Elvin
Joe Elvin is an internationally known confidence and dating coach with nearly a decade of experience. He is the successful author of several dating and confidence books that have helped thousands of men find success. While traveling the world Joe consistently finds new and valuable ways to meet and attract women. Joe has a Bachelor’s Degree in Multimedia Journalism from Bournemouth University and he has been featured in many large publications including AskMen, TSB Magazine and The Good Men Project.
As one of the most prolific writers on Beyond Ages, Joe has reviewed over a hundred dating apps. He is the site’s foremost authority when it comes to selecting what dating app works for whom. From an app’s mechanics to its algorithm to telltale signs that a dating app is a scam, Joe’s is able to expertly discern between dating apps that provide value and those that don’t.
Andrius Saulis
Andrius, the mind behind Saulis Dating, is a professional dating coach and educator with over a decade of hands-on experience, who shows men how to deal with their insecurities and self-esteem issues, and teaches guys how to have consistently great dates that end up in casual hookups or serious relationships. He has taught thousands of guys how to master their inner game by getting rid of their anxiety, shyness, nervousness, self-doubt, feat, and various mental blocks and limiting beliefs that hold most men back from being awesome with women! Andrius is also a successful author (Amazon) who has published multiple books on dating and relationships that have been highly received.
